It Sure Ain't Easy

Nursing is tough.  We are really having a hard time with it.  It's really frustrating, too, because I feel like it's something that should be so natural, so why doesn't it come naturally to us?  Even though we had Ellie's frenulum cut so she could get her tongue out more, and we're using the nipple shield, she's still having a really hard time latching on.  I've started pumping A LOT, so we can feed her breast milk via bottle.  It's not ideal, but it's working for now.  I feel like every day is a race to make sure I can pump enough to keep her satisfied.  I'm hoping that my supply will surpass her demand before I go back to work so that I will have milk to leave at home with Jeff.

Earlier this week we went to our first La Leche League meeting.  While I didn't get a lot of advice (besides the usual "keep trying" and "it gets easier"), it was nice to be in a room full of women who have had similar struggles.  I was able to cry in a room full of strangers and feel better about my frustrations because I knew I wasn't alone. The meetings are monthly, during a weekday morning, so I will only be able to go to one or two more meetings before I have to go back to work, but at least I know the group is there and that I can turn to them for support.

When Ellie gets really fussy, I offer her the bottle first, so she's not starving, and then try to switch her to the breast.  Sometimes she'll latch on, other times she'll just cry and cry until I give her the bottle back.  Last night, however, she kept pushing the bottle away from her mouth.  I offered her the breast instead, and she latched on right away.  That was the first time that it was really easy.  At the LLL meeting we were asked to share our favorite memory of nursing.  I didn't have one to share because it's just been such a struggle.  When she chose me over the bottle I cried (not the first time I cried while nursing -- just the first time it wasn't out of frustration) and thought, "now I can have a happy memory of nursing." 

I know that breast milk is best.  And we're not going to give up, even if it means that she'll have to have my milk in a bottle more often than not.  One of the other moms at the LLL meeting said to me that the most important thing about feeding our babies is the love; No matter if they feel that love nursing at the breast or eating from a bottle, they'll benefit as long as the love is there.  There is no lack of love for Ellie, that's for sure.