5 Months

Dear Eleanor,

I'm sorry I'm doing your five month update a week late (okay, 9 days late!).  We have been really busy lately, and I'm just now finding the time to update everyone we love.  Actually, it was you who inspired me to write today.  As part of my PPD recovery, Daddy and I share one thing every night that we are grateful for with each other.  We're grateful for you every day, so we usually find other things to talk about when we share our gratitude with one another.  But last night, it was you, and only you, for which I was grateful.

Let me tell you why...Yesterday morning, after your breakfast, but before you were dressed for the day, you sat on my lap on the couch.  You were playing with a rattle and I watched as you deliberately passed the rattle from your left hand to your right hand.  A minute later, you passed it back into your left hand.  Now, you've passed things back and forth before, but never truly on purpose.  But this time was different.  You did that purposefully.  You wanted that rattle to be in your right hand, and you made it happen.  I was so proud of you.  And at that moment, I was struck by the enormity of being your mother.  It just hit me that you grew inside of me for 37 weeks and that the love that Daddy and I have for one another made it possible for you to be here, and thus, for you to learn how to deliberately pass that rattle from one hand to the other. 

Now, obviously, I knew you grew inside of me.  But this may have been the first time I really felt awe that you grew inside of me.  I made that happen.  If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be here, and I would not be in this place.  And for that, I must thank you.  While the past five months have certainly not been without challenges, I wouldn't change any of it.  Here are some reasons why: You had colic the first 3 months.  Listening to you cry and scream for 3 hours every night taught me that Daddy and we can overcome any challenge you throw our way.  I'm still in a lot of pain and still have not healed from your Cesarean delivery.  Dealing with everything a newborn has to offer, plus medical issues for the past five months has shown me a strength I didn't know I possessed.  Every time you learn something new, or you do something for the first time, I feel such pride.  I'm so proud to be your mother!  Together, you, me, and Daddy are a family.  And learning the dynamics of our new family has brought me and Daddy closer and shown us a greater love and appreciation for one another than we had before.  Thank you, my little peanut, for forcing me to grow as a person, a mother, and wife.  Were it not for you I would not be who I am today.  And while we still have some work ahead of us, I can feel myself getting better every day. 

Here's some info on you at 5 months:

• You are 13 lbs, 12 oz and 24.5 inches long. 

• You had your first Thanksgiving (at home with me, Daddy, and Zach)

• We went to Disney World (EPCOT, with Leslie, David, and Drake)

• You went to your first wedding (Jolene and Brett)
• You love to watch yourself in the mirror
• Football is still your favorite thing to watch
• You are now an expert at rolling over, and are working on figuring out how to crawl.  You can get up on your hands and knees, but can't quite figure out how to move forward.  You manage to move backwards sometimes, but most often get frustrated that you aren't going anywhere
• Your favorite sound to make sounds like you're saying, "haha"

• You are very friendly, and love meeting new people
• You love to swing in the hammock
• You giggle when we kiss your tummy or your toes
• Daddy was disappointed this month when your "tongue button" stopped working.  For the past several months whenever he touched you in the space between your top lip and your nose you would stick out your tongue.  Now you just look at him or push his hand away
• You're starting to get more interested in the dogs, and watch them when they are around.  And they have been great with you. 

It has really been a joy to watch you get to this point.  Thank you, Ellie, for challenging me and giving me an opportunity to grow with you.  I love all the way to the moon and back, and Daddy does too!

Love,
Mama